Declaration of peace between free will and discipline

This morning I realized I've been lying to myself for years. I've been perpetuating a war between discipline and free will.

When I was young I tried to train myself to have what I thought to be discipline. But I did not know what that meant. So I created a system where my present self would make agreements for my future-self to do certain things at certain times, in certain ways, or at a certain frequency. I unknowingly lied to myself and called this discipline.

I gave away my free will by choosing to live without free will! My false discipline became an idol to polish. My own ongoing ability to presently chose a future of autopilot. A story that such sacrifice of my own free will would generate the life I was meant for. A way of living that kept me from being present and authentic in the moment.

True discipline is the act of choosing what I want when it is not easy. When I am tempted or distracted. When I don't have a clear plan. When I actually have to choose.

True discipline isn't living by my own strict rules. It's living by my own abundant values.

True discipline is choosing to wake up and exercise and meditate today as I live in the moment. Not forcing myself to work out and sit in stillness every morning for a month through fear and consequence.

Turns out discipline can unlock free will instead of sacrificing it.

Where is your discipline false? Where is it most true?