yourintrinsicself

Life's Journey: Who and Where

Stumbling in the dark I didn't know what I didn't know I still don't So I synthesis knowing Convince myself of the most basic understanding as truth Insufficient as it may be, my maps got me this far

I am the world's most important insignificant thing And so are you I know where I'm going even if I can't see the path that gets me there Care to join me?

My identity is static and unchanging in Christ Yet my personality changes with intention Sometimes by neglect Perhaps even by the wind I am wonderfully made by God who created the world I see And the world I can't see The truths I don't know that I don't know

I once heard a mystic say that God doesn't exist because God is greater than existence. Could it be that God created some greater part of me, the part I can't know that I didn't know? The part that is everything Holy and wholly God's precious child

My path unfolds in each moment through the miracle of presence Bound together in time by the mysteries of consciousness, memory, and awareness Pointing to an unknowable depth, incredible promise of grace, overwhelming presence of love Yet designed for me to access? Differentiated and accommodated to the simple steps of my feet, desire of my heart, seeking of a truth that can both define and lead me

God has a plan but it can't be read backwards Somehow it starts and ends with salvation in Christ Moves through space and time with the confusion and sins of our freewill Nudged gently by the Spirit Powered by Divine gifting as collectively heavenly as they are uniquely yours and mine

Crashing against the rails violently God calls us forward yet we run blindly, sometimes rebeliously, side to side Pain becomes our warning system Pain not from God but pain from our distance from God's generous plan and design If we work hard enough or drift listlessly enough we can leap and fall away suddenly Our sudden distance from truth and light jars us into discomfort Not to make comfort the goal but to realize that there is a certain good and godly comfort on the Divine path It's not a comfort of flesh and details It's a comfort of transcendence and context Why would God end all suffering When we choose it so often And in choosing it we have a chance to wake up and see through it to the truth beyond our capacity to understand

Holy Spirit dances between the perfect eternal will of God and the fallen rhythm of my free will To a music too heavenly for me to comprehend But when I listen carefully Just for a moment There is a glimpse of eternity I witness a vision of a world illumined and illumining As it was and ever shall be

Even if I can only see it for a moment An infinitesimal rift into the eternal Even if I spend my whole life babbling like a fool about the unseen that I didn't see

Because somehow I caught a glimpse The unknown I can't know Yet by God's grace I can follow The mysteries that created me That I call Father Even if I can't see Him That I call Mother Even if I have no memory of touching Her That I call Jesus Even if His love and grace and mercy is beyond my capacity Come, Holy Spirit! Let my request align my simple will with your perfect plans As it was and ever shall be Amen

Grasping, greed, Generosity, and joy

With good intentions and white knuckles, I have tried harder and more times than I can count to get it right.

My greed is not the type that you can see in the car that I drive or the clothes that I wear. I don't grasp for material possessions or status. Yet my greed and grasping keep me small by limiting my reality to what I can understand and influence.

Today I learn to exhale not by force but by faith A door closes and a window opens Generosity and joy begin to flow in on a soft quiet Holy Spirit breeze Finally their invitation was sent & received without pressure or expectation Welcome home

For too many years I have placed life's hourglass upon the foundation of grasping and greed Counting and measuring each precious moment Often even with gratitude Today I gently turn it over to rest in the generosity and joy of the present moment I start to lose count of time as it moves past me into the future And somehow find myself more present and aware than ever before

Where might you be operating from greed and grasping when you could be allowing joy and generosity?

What Overall? Really?? Really??? Y????????

Don't worry.

Why in the world?

I heard a friend say recently, “I don't think I was made for this world.” Maybe he was right. But that assertion seemed incomplete. So I asked, “What if this world was made for you?”

God as the perfect parent

I love to watch our kids grow up Is that what it's like for God to observe creation? God knows each child and the path before them Watching how it unfolds brings him joy

Temptation

Obviously = sugar Not obviously = anxiety

Where are you most tempted?

Why do it?

Not because you're capable But because no one is in control Not because you're intelligent For the smartest man in the world knows he knows nothing Not because you're unique Because everyone is special just like you

Death of ego, dance of personality, discovery of soul

First my ego had to die It was a violent death that lasted many years Sometimes hilarious like the Monty Python skit “tis but a scratch!” my ego yelled Other times dark and depressing as the shadow aspects of my ego learned to hid among the corpses of past selves Until I realized that it was my ego who was so intent on killing all aspects of itself so that the best of it could become King And so I learned that the death of my ego had to be a surrender, not a war.

Soon thereafter I began to dance with my personality Watching her spin and transform Letting me lead and learning to celebrate my steps Seducing me slowly and all at once With all that is good and right Plus a few invitations that were neither good nor right But in those moments felt like me I've learned to take a deep breath when my personality takes my hand So I can be sure not to get lost in her many magnificent movements

Somewhere beneath that pile of ego deaths Tip-toe-ing with a flourish above the fray I beg God to be able of discovering my soul Perhaps not all of it at once But just enough for today To carry me through one more death And one more dance Closer to truth

I used to feed on anxieties, But now I drown in tears.

It's not that I wish to revert to the addiction that was metabolism of fear. I'm simply struggling with how to swim in between these waves of sadness.

Childlike Blessings of Adversity

God takes no joy in seeing his children suffer. I don't like watching my 2 year old son cry, either. Yet there are moments where tears point to truths deeper than sadness.

My toddler son cries out in frustration as he learns to tie his shoe. He whines when he doesn't get both halves of the cookie. Maybe it's a hard lesson to learn that only half the cookie is for him. Perhaps he is lamenting the loss of a world where he is taken care of by others. It must be hard to transform oneself from a helpless baby into a little boy on the way to becoming a mature man who can care for himself. No wonder there are tears along the way.

I'm much older than my 2 year old son. I tie my own shoes and know how to share cookies. It takes a lot more to make me cry. My tears come when I'm at my limits. I weep when loved ones die. I cry out when I am unseen. Feeling discarded by the world around me.

I pray that these moments of adversity lead to opportunities for transformative repentance. Not “I'm sorry I won't do that again” But “Please forgive me. What do I need to change about myself to learn and grow through this pain?” Maybe my 2 year old and I have more in common than I realize.

Where might you discover your childlike nature in the face of adversity? How might God be inviting you out of your suffering toward transformation & truth?