Reflections on life, truth, faith, love, introspection, and transformation.

You are what you “eat”

The wise discern what to 1. Put in their mouth 2. Chew 3. Spit out 4. Swallow Or any combination thereof.

I'm not talking about food.

Too often I've attempted to take on, chew and swallow everything. Societal fear of the unknown. Irrational concerns of a neighbor. Confused beliefs of a friend. Toxic anger of a family member. Hateful spirit of an acquaintance.

If these are not mine, then why do I keep trying to digest them all?

Lord, help me to be more discerning of what I put into my mind, body, heart, soul, and spirit!

What might you be chewing on today that it's time to spit out?

Can and Will

Sometimes I can but I won't. Feels exhausting. Tank is empty. What's wrong with me. Depression.

Sometimes I can't but I will. Feels urgent. Must keep moving. Can't stop won't stop. Anxiety.

Where can you...? When will you...? What new balance might life be calling you into?

When you were a baby, you cried without understanding why With years have come wisdom; born of experience and courage Rest not in your understanding; else it keep you from feeling

Big bang

Bang! Matter explodes into something new called space Energy expands and disperses Leaving the matter to itself As chaos drives the need for order So does order demand chaos for it's very existence Perhaps we are all part of one journey from anxiety to peace

Mind racing... Heart feels it all yet keeps the beat Body leaps and aches but lands on its feet Soul stands still.

Grasping doesn't get it

To want with insecurity is not to desire It is a wish upon a star too distant to know by name It is to grasp with fingers incapable of holding that which could otherwise be obtained It is to reach too far beyond the artificial desire of insecurity Like a magnet facing backward, pushing away it's counterpart Too often we grasp at an unfamiliar wish Instead of preparing to accept our deepest desires

Where are you grasping when you might be receiving?

A rather big lie I have tried to understand I have feared it to be impossible to love God fully and be alive in this world

What big lie are you afraid of facing?

Key means of Truth seeking -Curiosity and faith -First principals -3rd person perspective -Consequential thinking -Prayerful discernment -Wise relationships -Saving the appearances -Looking into/beyond the veil

I was.

I was insecure in my willingness to commit  Because I got hurt so badly Because I doubted in one moment more than any other There might be no match for me

I was terrified of being absorbed into someone else's life It felt safer to seek relationships that didn't quite work, Allowing a sense of safety, maybe even a renewed feeling of control over my own life Then again maybe my standards were high because I was resolved not to settle Probably both

I moved further from authentic emotional experience into abstractions of reality A sort of manufactured emotional pornography  Further from nature, gender, truth, and faith Attempting yet again to leave the garden of Eden

I feared acceptance Terrified of disappearing Needing to hide again to survive As I woke up each day in someone else's story

I was. Were you?

Big feelings

If inside I am boiling, but I need to avoid boiling over for the sake of goodness, what's the best path forward in the moment? Afterward?

Over time would an over- or under-attentiveness to emotions become an addiction and thought pattern of its own?

God, please help me to acknowledge the truth of emotions that point in the direction of your larger and greater truth. Deliver me from becoming addicted to the highs and/or lows of intense emotions, that I might rest in the greater truth in between. Show me when it's time to express and when it's time to practice restraint. Come Holy Spirit!

How do you handle big feelings?

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