I was insecure in my willingness to commit Because I got hurt so badly Because I doubted in one moment more than any other There might be no match for me
I was terrified of being absorbed into someone else's life It felt safer to seek relationships that didn't quite work, Allowing a sense of safety, maybe even a renewed feeling of control over my own life Then again maybe my standards were high because I was resolved not to settle Probably both
I moved further from authentic emotional experience into abstractions of reality A sort of manufactured emotional pornography Further from nature, gender, truth, and faith Attempting yet again to leave the garden of Eden
I feared acceptance Terrified of disappearing Needing to hide again to survive As I woke up each day in someone else's story
I was. Were you?