Reluctance to forgive

There have been times over the past few years when I have screamed “Why!?” to the heavens, as a woman I once loved attempted to isolate my daughter from her Dad. It has been unfair, brutal, and transformative.

For many months I have been practicing forgiveness toward my daughter's mom, while still carrying resentment and pain. I kept trying to forgive her for all the little things (refusing to tell me where my daughter lives, ignoring my parenting time, accusing me falsely of myriad wrongdoings, etc.) without forgiving her for the big things.

Truth is she acts against my daughter's interests, broke my heart, and is changing all our lives. Truth is she is not malicious or evil – she is struggling and suffering (just like me).

But the hardest truth to accept is that she set me free.

In order to forgive her for the big things I have to let go of getting it right, making things fair, and understanding what is going on. I have to fall forward into faith.

I resist furiously at times because it means eventually I will be thanking her.

Where are you resisting forgiveness?