yourintrinsicself

I used to feed on anxieties, But now I drown in tears.

It's not that I wish to revert to the addiction that was metabolism of fear. I'm simply struggling with how to swim in between these waves of sadness.

Childlike Blessings of Adversity

God takes no joy in seeing his children suffer. I don't like watching my 2 year old son cry, either. Yet there are moments where tears point to truths deeper than sadness.

My toddler son cries out in frustration as he learns to tie his shoe. He whines when he doesn't get both halves of the cookie. Maybe it's a hard lesson to learn that only half the cookie is for him. Perhaps he is lamenting the loss of a world where he is taken care of by others. It must be hard to transform oneself from a helpless baby into a little boy on the way to becoming a mature man who can care for himself. No wonder there are tears along the way.

I'm much older than my 2 year old son. I tie my own shoes and know how to share cookies. It takes a lot more to make me cry. My tears come when I'm at my limits. I weep when loved ones die. I cry out when I am unseen. Feeling discarded by the world around me.

I pray that these moments of adversity lead to opportunities for transformative repentance. Not “I'm sorry I won't do that again” But “Please forgive me. What do I need to change about myself to learn and grow through this pain?” Maybe my 2 year old and I have more in common than I realize.

Where might you discover your childlike nature in the face of adversity? How might God be inviting you out of your suffering toward transformation & truth?

God's Love on Earth

God's love is abundant and unconditional. My ability to receive it is consistently far less than what is offered. My role of sharing it in this world is often awkward. Yet my stewardship of Divine love & truth is growing. Growing in wisdom more so than intelligence. Prayerfully learning to welcome the moments where my understanding falls apart. Leaning into the fear that can feel overwhelming. Dedicated to a willingness to see parts of myself crucified, let go of attachments, and be refined by spiritual fire. Discovering that my faith leads me through the fear, beyond my understanding, into a place of transformation. Through repentance and submission to His will over my own moment to moment, I continue to seek truth.

Where might God be calling you to a truth where fear might be in the way?

Two steps ahead Is actually ten steps behind If no one is following you

Where are you leading without relationship?

Quantum entanglement of pessimism and optimism

It would seem that in order to be negative over time on a certain topic one must maintain some belief that it ought to be better. A person who complains often about their work must implicitly imagine and desire a preferable job. Anyone who wakes up each day with negative thoughts about their home must have some vision for another place to live. Someone who persistently dislikes their state of affairs would certainly prefer another way of being. Negativity may be tied to a desire as much it is to a disappointment. What is bothering you today and where is your hidden dream for something better?

Salvation leads to Peace leads to Relationship leads to Right mindset leads to Faith leads to Purpose leads to Right action leads to Dynamic identity leads to Transformation leads to Truth

Enough or not enough? More than enough

For many years I lived under an illusion that I was not enough So I drove myself to succeed where I could (and more quietly to avoid the situations where I wasn't sure I could succeed, but perhaps that's another story...) Eventually my perfectionist protective performance provided potential proof that I was enough compared to others. “Hell yeah!” I said quietly to myself from time to time But there was no proof. Because it wasn't true. Comparison is not a pathway to sufficiency or acceptance The old saying turns out to be true: Comparison remains the thief of joy.

For a few years there I lived under an illusion that I was enough. So I relied on my gifts and abilities. I tracked my accomplishments, Stacking them high enough that I can't see them all at once. Doing good and being good. Making the world a better place. “Hooray!” And then the ironic discovery came My external validation of being enough was sustenance for a hungry ghost My insecure ego, fearing desperately the possibility of not being enough for even a moment, was addicted to a buffet of validation and accomplishment Eating too fast to even taste. How could I feel so full and be so empty?

Clearly not by my own decisions or actions Probably not even by my own mindset or disposition I have learned that I can feel enough, and I am enough But not on my own. I am enough in the eyes of the Holy Spirit. Special just like every other child of God. A joke that used to make me laugh with insecurity Now makes me cry with joy. Lamenting the life lived within an illusion of solitude Embracing the gift of union with a loving Creator Hallelujah! I don't have to be enough because my Savior was, is, and always will be More than enough

Maybe we are ongoing incarnation Energy seeking to merge with matter Confused immaturity Emerging into identity Striving to be being Embodied into a body Spiritually seeking spirit Maybe this whole world is a space for spirit to become form

“We have nothing to fear but fear itself.”

Do you desire a fearless existence? Sure, why not! Look deeply. Is that really what you want? What about that threat? That danger. The one you're imagining right now. Lurking at the edges of your mind's eye. Terrifying, isn't it? Are you willing to turn your back on it? Can you walk away from that which threatens you most? Isn't is scary to let go of fear?

Two streams run deeply & in parallel One of love. One of fear. Humankind, and each one of us, walks between them Choosing with attention which one to worship. Is our destiny over time to learn we are safe enough to stop looking over our shoulder?