Grasping, greed, Generosity, and joy
With good intentions and white knuckles,
I have tried harder and more times than I can count to get it right.
My greed is not the type that you can see in the car that I drive or the clothes that I wear.
I don't grasp for material possessions or status.
Yet my greed and grasping keep me small by limiting my reality to what I can understand and influence.
Today I learn to exhale not by force but by faith
A door closes and a window opens
Generosity and joy begin to flow in on a soft quiet Holy Spirit breeze
Finally their invitation was sent & received without pressure or expectation
Welcome home
For too many years I have placed life's hourglass upon the foundation of grasping and greed
Counting and measuring each precious moment
Often even with gratitude
Today I gently turn it over to rest in the generosity and joy of the present moment
I start to lose count of time as it moves past me into the future
And somehow find myself more present and aware than ever before
Where might you be operating from greed and grasping when you could be allowing joy and generosity?
What
Overall?
Really??
Really???
Y????????
Don't worry.
Why in the world?
I heard a friend say recently,
“I don't think I was made for this world.”
Maybe he was right.
But that assertion seemed incomplete.
So I asked,
“What if this world was made for you?”
God as the perfect parent
I love to watch our kids grow up
Is that what it's like for God to observe creation?
God knows each child and the path before them
Watching how it unfolds brings him joy
Temptation
Obviously = sugar
Not obviously = anxiety
Where are you most tempted?
Why do it?
Not because you're capable
But because no one is in control
Not because you're intelligent
For the smartest man in the world knows he knows nothing
Not because you're unique
Because everyone is special just like you
Death of ego, dance of personality, discovery of soul
First my ego had to die
It was a violent death that lasted many years
Sometimes hilarious like the Monty Python skit
“tis but a scratch!” my ego yelled
Other times dark and depressing as the shadow aspects of my ego learned to hid among the corpses of past selves
Until I realized that it was my ego who was so intent on killing all aspects of itself so that the best of it could become King
And so I learned that the death of my ego had to be a surrender, not a war.
Soon thereafter I began to dance with my personality
Watching her spin and transform
Letting me lead and learning to celebrate my steps
Seducing me slowly and all at once
With all that is good and right
Plus a few invitations that were neither good nor right
But in those moments felt like me
I've learned to take a deep breath when my personality takes my hand
So I can be sure not to get lost in her many magnificent movements
Somewhere beneath that pile of ego deaths
Tip-toe-ing with a flourish above the fray
I beg God to be able of discovering my soul
Perhaps not all of it at once
But just enough for today
To carry me through one more death
And one more dance
Closer to truth
I used to feed on anxieties,
But now I drown in tears.
It's not that I wish to revert to the addiction that was metabolism of fear.
I'm simply struggling with how to swim in between these waves of sadness.
Childlike Blessings of Adversity
God takes no joy in seeing his children suffer.
I don't like watching my 2 year old son cry, either.
Yet there are moments where tears point to truths deeper than sadness.
My toddler son cries out in frustration as he learns to tie his shoe.
He whines when he doesn't get both halves of the cookie.
Maybe it's a hard lesson to learn that only half the cookie is for him.
Perhaps he is lamenting the loss of a world where he is taken care of by others.
It must be hard to transform oneself from a helpless baby into a little boy on the way to becoming a mature man who can care for himself.
No wonder there are tears along the way.
I'm much older than my 2 year old son.
I tie my own shoes and know how to share cookies.
It takes a lot more to make me cry.
My tears come when I'm at my limits.
I weep when loved ones die.
I cry out when I am unseen.
Feeling discarded by the world around me.
I pray that these moments of adversity lead to opportunities for transformative repentance.
Not “I'm sorry I won't do that again”
But “Please forgive me. What do I need to change about myself to learn and grow through this pain?”
Maybe my 2 year old and I have more in common than I realize.
Where might you discover your childlike nature in the face of adversity? How might God be inviting you out of your suffering toward transformation & truth?
God's Love on Earth
God's love is abundant and unconditional.
My ability to receive it is consistently far less than what is offered.
My role of sharing it in this world is often awkward.
Yet my stewardship of Divine love & truth is growing.
Growing in wisdom more so than intelligence.
Prayerfully learning to welcome the moments where my understanding falls apart.
Leaning into the fear that can feel overwhelming.
Dedicated to a willingness to see parts of myself crucified, let go of attachments, and be refined by spiritual fire.
Discovering that my faith leads me through the fear, beyond my understanding, into a place of transformation.
Through repentance and submission to His will over my own moment to moment,
I continue to seek truth.
Where might God be calling you to a truth where fear might be in the way?