Grasping doesn't get it
To want with insecurity is not to desire
It is a wish upon a star too distant to know by name
It is to grasp with fingers incapable of holding that which could otherwise be obtained
It is to reach too far beyond the artificial desire of insecurity
Like a magnet facing backward, pushing away it's counterpart
Too often we grasp at an unfamiliar wish
Instead of preparing to accept our deepest desires
Where are you grasping when you might be receiving?
A rather big lie
I have tried to understand
I have feared it to be impossible to love God fully and be alive in this world
What big lie are you afraid of facing?
Key means of Truth seeking
-Curiosity and faith
-3rd person perspective
-Saving the appearances
-Looking into/beyond the veil
I was insecure in my willingness to commit
Because I got hurt so badly
Because I doubted in one moment more than any other
There might be no match for me
I was terrified of being absorbed into someone else's life
It felt safer to seek relationships that didn't quite work,
Allowing a sense of safety, maybe even a renewed feeling of control over my own life
Then again maybe my standards were high because I was resolved not to settle
I moved further from authentic emotional experience into abstractions of reality
A sort of manufactured emotional pornography
Further from nature, gender, truth, and faith
Attempting yet again to leave the garden of Eden
I feared acceptance
Terrified of disappearing
Needing to hide again to survive
As I woke up each day in someone else's story
I was. Were you?
If inside I am boiling, but I need to avoid boiling over for the sake of goodness, what's the best path forward in the moment? Afterward?
Over time would an over- or under-attentiveness to emotions become an addiction and thought pattern of its own?
God, please help me to acknowledge the truth of emotions that point in the direction of your larger and greater truth.
Deliver me from becoming addicted to the highs and/or lows of intense emotions, that I might rest in the greater truth in between.
Show me when it's time to express and when it's time to practice restraint.
Come Holy Spirit!
How do you handle big feelings?
Saying it without saying it
I like you
I really like you
I like you more than a friend
I really really like you infinity times infinity to the moon and back and more
I love how you make me feel
I love who you are
I love so many things about you
I adore you
I have to pinch myself
Are you real?
You send me songs that make me cry and laugh
You remind me that life is meant to be celebrated
You elicit profound feelings of love in my life
You are a total babe
You have brilliant intelligence and stunning wisdom
You see me so deeply and compassionately that it makes it easier to love myself
You are a source of light and joy
You are an answered prayer
You are the one for me
I am falling in love
I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about you
I didn't think it possible for someone like you to exist
I am enamored with your heart and spirit
I look forward to when we say “I love you” instead of “bye”
I want to share everything with you
I admire your agreeableness, conscientiousness, and openness
Imagining a life with you warms my soul
Being with you makes me smile from the inside out
...I love you!
When are you saying it without saying it?
Rest and Digest
Digesting reality with the opportunity and adversity therein
Discovering what is authentic and what is fake
Discerning between shallow patterns and deep truth
Don't spit out your own calling!
If you don't digest it, then into the zeitgeist it goes
Dig your own hole if you need to
Pocket it with your cheeks if you wish
Just don't make the rest of us digest your calling, because you didn't digest it properly yourself
We're here to help and love you, but not to do your work for you
Facts or feelings, its all part of the process
Take your time
Where are you being called to rest and digest?
GO. Stop. GO. Stop... Stop!
Ever heard of interval training? It's a great way to train your cardiovascular system. Sprint, rest, sprint, rest, etc.
Turns out it might not be the best way to life. A growing awareness of my tendency to perform in intervals is creating an opportunity to live differently.
Energetically, relationally, professionally, intellectually, physically, emotionally, and spiritually: I am now praying for more of a steady state throughout my life.
A phrase that comes to mind is “spread the butter”. I tend to prefer dipping my bread in olive oil, but I still appreciate the value of bread with well-distributed butter from crust to crust.
Where in your life is your energy concentrated when it might benefit from being spread out?
Why do I wonder? Is it because I never know you fully?
Why is there water? Is it to show me how to thirst for you?
Why do I wander? Is it because you're both here and there for me to discover?
Why is there wind? Is it to show me there can be energy without form?
Why do I waver? Is it because my understanding is imperfect compared to yours?
Why did I come from a womb? Is it a metaphor for your creation within yourself?
Why do I cling to the blade that penetrates me?
Perhaps to be sure it doesn't move anymore than it has.
That the amount of damage I have sustained is hopefully just the right amount.
That one more inch would destroy everything.
That if I just stay right here forever I might be suffering, but I will survive.
That my survival in this circumstance is preferable over the risk of something else.
How could I afford to risk something else when I'm already so wounded?
I better cling tighter, until I am ready to let go.
What are you holding on to?
Is it time to let go?