yourintrinsicself

Around 8 years of age I got stung near my eye by a bee. When I started crying, my father discarded my pain and told me I was overreacting.

As a man I have been told many times and in many ways not to cry.

Today I cry when I'm sad. Sometimes I cry when I'm afraid and sometimes I even cry out of joy.

I cry because I am free. Each tear is a bound muscle releasing from stories that held it still.

How can you create more freedom for tears on your own face?

Try.

I try to live my best life, but I make mistakes.

I try to be mindful throughout my days, yet I catch myself distracted.

I try to take in all the beauty of this world, even though I can't possibly begin to perceive it all.

I try to love other people, and often I end up hurting their feelings.

I try to love God like God loves me, although I am far from capable of such a thing.

I try, and I fail, and I try.

Sitting with those I love

Sitting with those I love, I learn to trust that they love me. I learn that it's safe. Listening to those I love, I learn to see patterns that were hidden. I learn to see what I don't because they do. Opening to those I love, I learn of emotions beneath the surface. I learn to feel. Watching those I love, I learn to accept and care for my flaws. I learn to grow. Feeling that which belongs to those I love, I learn how connected we are. I learn empathy. Helping those I love, I learn how powerful I can be. I learn to love. Projecting onto those I love, I find shadow dancing with light. I learn how to look in the mirror. Sitting with those I love, I learn to trust that we share love. I learn to live.

Reality and Context Stories

I use context stories to describe reality to myself. We all do.

In my recent journey of deepening my emotional self relationship, I found myself imagining a metaphor in which a scoop is holding and carrying my emotions. In my version of that context story, my scoop is growing larger and stronger so that it might carry more and more emotions.

But this context story, like all metaphors, is not an accurate representation of what is going on. It has undertones of emotions being heavy, needing to be carried, insatiable, etc.

I'm not sure how to improve this context story yet. And I know my new story will be as much of an improvement as it will be an imperfection. But I am choosing to set my intention on a new context story for my emotional journey.

Where are you telling yourself context stories with strong undertones? How might awareness of those undertones give you space to create a new story?

Personal Values

I generally hold certain values near to my heart and mind. The list sometimes shifts; but generally they are curiosity, love, faith, authenticity, and abundance.

I've learned over time that some values I hold because they are natural to my being, while others I hold because I'm afraid I might lose them, and others I hold because I feel they are lacking.

Here is where my values currently stand in that sense: Curiosity – natural to me overall but I want more passion and energy behind it Love – present with my immediate family, but I want more intimacy in my life Faith – mine has never been stronger, in part due to recent life struggles Authenticity – I believe this is an area of natural strength for me Abundance – this is my newest, and least developed value

Abundance used to be important to me simply out of fear of its opposite, scarcity. But when I hold a value out of fear of its opposite I'm not holding much of anything but the fear itself.

Are any of your values rooted in fear? Which values are most natural to you and which are growth areas?

Catching a Glance of My Shadow's Center

My shadow follows me, carrying a deep truth far from the edges. The edges that define my shadow distract me from the interior. I have spent years exploring my shadow, nearly all of them at the edges. To date I have only caught a glance at shadow's center. Constantly I have been pulled to the edges. I have discovered cultural stories, familiar mythology, and personal wounds. At these edges I have found more than enough to explain it all. Yet I know there is more to my shadow that these edges. I continue to explore, that I might better know myself. I hope and pray that one day I will catch more than glance of my shadow's center. ...and I am afraid. Most of all when I won't admit it to myself.

Transition, Transformation, and Remodeling

For some time I have been awaiting a suitable metaphor in order to describe transition and transformation in life. I came across one today I quite like.

Transition brings with it the need to remodel my life, not unlike remodeling my home. Transformation occurs at the depth of the remodel.

A fresh coat of paint is always nice, but when I get down to the framing of the walls I find myself engaged in far deeper change.

Forces of transition, whether at the start of the remodel or in the middle of it, make it clear when more depth is required. The depth of the change, provoked by the transition, is the actual transformation.

I recently planned to repaint a room, and then upon closer inspection found a slight rot in the wood that requires me to replace portions of a doorframe. Similarly, in my life I planned to get a new job and upon closer inspection found that it is time for a deeper change to my professional approach.

It should be said that if I start by tearing down all the walls then I am likely to be rebuilding that which was perfectly suitable without replacement.

Where are you painting a wall that is rotted beneath? How might you welcome the forces of transition so as to more authentically transform?

Fire that does not consume

I was recently reminded of the story of Moses and the burning bush. What made the fire stand out to Moses was that it burned without consuming the bush. In other words, this flame defied the laws of physics. It was feeding on something beyond early understanding.

Moses was confused, because he had no reference for a fire that does not consume. But isn't our own life energy a similar miracle?

Sure; I eat food, drink liquids, and rest. But where do all the dimensions of my life force and energy come from?

Where does your fire burn without consuming?

Leading from Stillness

I have a stillness practice that brings peace to my heart, body, mind, and soul. I love it.

I have long had an activity practice that runs away from this peace and toward doing, producing, moving, and accomplishing.

These days I'm exploring how I might embrace both practices in a more integrated fashion. The phrase “leading from stillness” seems to capture these efforts nicely for me. I should mention that I am a firm believer that leadership always starts with self-leadership!

Where might you be able to start leading from stillness?

Presence and Awareness

My concepts of presence and awareness are differentiated by time and structure.

Presence is the state of being in the present moment. This means observing that which is present through sensory input, feelings, thoughts, and intuition. Presence is merely the observation of what is present in the simplest way possible.

Awareness is the practice of imposing meaning of some form into presence. It might be data or story, but awareness begins to take the present moment and place it into some structure that makes sense of it. Awareness need not be a cognitive exercise. It can be the connection between sensory input and feeling, feeling and thought, sensory input and intuition, etc.

The sensation of my toes in the sand would be presence, while observing happiness due to the sensation would be awareness. Feeling that happiness would be presence, while observing how that happiness changes my mood would be awareness.

So in a sense presence is input and awareness is processing the input. Put another way, presence is the simplest form of awareness and awareness is the most complex form of presence. It's more of a gradient than a line in the sand.

Where do presence and awareness dance together in your life?