Reflections on life, truth, faith, love, introspection, and transformation.

Ego scio plus ego cogito ergo sum

“I think therefore I am” -Descartes, 1637

Seems like solid proof that we are thinking beings. But what about the knowing we all carry that has no thoughts? The illogical confidence that we are real and alive, more than the sum of our parts, despite the lack of proof and evidence?

“I know I am more than I think, therefore I am.” -perhaps a better fit for 2019?

Thinking and knowing

I think many thoughts, including more than I can count about existence, life, and being.

Yet there is a knowing I have that can not be touched by thought. I know I am myself, even though I can't think my way fully into my being. I don't understand everything about me, but I know everything about me is about me.

When does your thinking get in the way of your knowing?

Normal or natural?

When I was young I didn't want to be normal. I defined my worth by my gifts, which made me different, unique, and special.

I hear people speak of wanting to feel, act, or experience normal. Maybe they mean natural?

Normal is mathematically and socially standard. Fitting in. Part of the crowd.

Natural is how you were made. Your essence. The truth that starts inside you and can't be changed.

The irony for me is that being natural helps me see how normal I am.

Would you rather be normal or natural?

Hello sadness.

I'm sorry to see you again, and I'm working past that sorrow so that I might welcome you.

How would you feel if I could love you, sadness? Could you find peace without feeling threatened for your very existence?

A reluctant “yes” prayerfully arrives, and my work to welcome sadness continues.

Counting the mileage

When I was at University I always calculated the cost of gas it took to visit my parents. My little 2 door hatchback got about 40 miles per gallon, gas was about $1 per gallon, and my parents lived almost 20 miles away.

I have spent years of my life calculating fractions of pennies in hopes that finding specifics would bring me peace. It has brought me fast wit and a mathematically accurate map of the world around me. But it has not brought me peace.

Ironically it seems that peace is available in the letting go. The less attached I am to the specifics the more free I feel.

At the same time, if I am attached to escaping the specifics (ie running away) then that becomes a new attachment altogether. Such a mindset of escape keeps me from the peace in my centeredness.

My intention is to find balance between my calculating mind, my active body, and my knowing soul.

I still calculate my fuel economy every time I fill my gas tank. The work continues...

Habits and practices

I used to carry a powerful vision of what I would be like if I had all the right habits. Among other aspirations, I wanted to program myself jump out of bed at 5am and do 100 pushups without giving it a second thought.

Now I see that my desire to bury behaviors into automation was keeping me from my deeper self. Living a life driven by unconscious habits (even healthy ones) kept me from living fully in the present moment.

Conscious practices, like writing this blog, bring me more fully into my awareness than patterns of habit. Without choice and intention, such practices would lack depth and meaning.

Where are you burying your head in old habits when you could be standing tall in new practices?

I used to carefully plan in order to select the best strategy given available information.

My new practice is more meditative, where I find myself setting intentions instead of goals and seeking progress instead of benchmarks. This creates more space for flexibility and adaptive leadership.

Instead of solving for “what to do” with a single answer, suddenly I am capable of holding space for multiple options. Such an array of possibility arrives with less attachment to outcome and more awareness of truth. The opportunity it generates is full of creative and generative energy.

Where are you solving for the answer when you might be capable of moving forward with flexibility?

What is the purpose of interpersonal feedback?

For 35+ years I have believed that feedback was designed specifically to focus on what was wrong and fix it. Improve myself. Correct course. Find the problem. Get it together.

Now I find myself turning toward a new set of possibilities. Could feedback be to grow more aware? To be mindful of the entire picture, both what works and what doesn't? Might feedback even be an opportunity to celebrate what is present instead of finding what is next?

With full trust at close proximity, metrics are a fool's attempt to measure the immeasurable.

I've heard that it can fly and I've heard it can stand still Some people spend it Some people pass it Some even have it on their side I even heard once that someone took it as his own and someone was killing it over and over again while others run against the clock, which is supposed to tell it But how can such a thing be held still to be told anything at all?

How do you relate to time in your life?

What's the word that connects your life to the concept of time?

“I [ ] my time” Take it, spend it, pass it, invest it, cherish it, or kill it. Your choice. (Bonus! The choice resets every time you choose.)

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